Wednesday, November 01, 2006 ; 9:03 AM
okay people, welcome to the month of november ! :)
aint too sure whether this is a good thing or not. since entering this month would mean the heavy olevel written papers would be drawing even nearer. and frankly, i doubt i am prepared to face this battle. considering the fact that i havent been focusing much on my studies lately. yes yes, still having my fair share of fun and no pressure yet. haha sometimes i think im really hopeless. like cmon, a major examination and i dont feel a thing about it ? ohmygoodness.
but then again, moving on towards november would also mean i would now be closer to my unleashed freedom. :D seriously i so cant wait for the olevels to be over. i cant wait to go shopping (although its part of my regular routines, i believe its a totally different feeling doing so after the olevels), i cant wait to visit vivocity, i cant wait for chalets, i cant wait for movie marathons, i cant wait for sleepovers, i cant wait to get drunk with jacinth in a hotel room (not too sure if she really is into that idea, but i definitely am), i cant wait to go for my holidays, i cant wait for so many other things.
thinking about all that just makes me go crr-aa-zy ! :D
so anyway i was on the phone with melody again last night, around 9pm - 10pm. told her what happened. and i really am very grateful for this friend. she allows me to see things in a different perspective. and because of our contrast in personalities, the solution to my problem would be a compromise. which means its neither extremes. i love extremes ! :D but they arent usually the best solutions most of the time, i guess. yeah.
we will leave it all in God's hands. whether that girl would add me on msn or not. i would very much like to know what he told you on 8th september (read your entry. it gave me an idea of what happened, but i wanna know the exact details), i would very much like to know what has been going on. speaking of this really makes me feel like a moron kept in the dark. perhaps its due to my personality that makes me feel this way. i dislike grey, i only like things black and white. which means i dont like unanswered questions. should there be any doubt, i would want to ask and find out more about it. clarifying these would most probably hurt. but like i said, i rather get badly hurt then to be left hanging at the in between. once again, either extremes. you dont hurt me at all or you maximise the amount of pain you can bring me so that i can quickly pick myself up again.
melody begs to differ though. she would rather not know any further and leave things the way it is now. i should suppose it really is about the personality thing. and one thing thats for sure, i wouldnt cry even if the horrendous truth has spilled its beans. no matter how painful it can get, i can assure you that i wont shed a single drop of tear. firstly, he isnt worth it. secondly, crying now wouldnt make much of a difference now that its all over. thirdly, i start to think that being hard hearted really runs in my family. my parents never shed tears, and its only once in a blue moon where you see my mother crying. and that would only happen when major issues arise. its been a few years since she cried, i think. daniel is the one who cries the most. but i must say his emotional quotion is higher than mine. he gets over things faster than i do. and i thought i was already fast enough. :O LOL.
another point mel brought up would be whether new questions would start to pop out. i think its possible. i wont rule it out. but to me, i feel that i have the right to know because it concerns me in some ways (you might think it doesnt. but even if it doesnt, i would still very much like to know) ohwells. whatever. leave it to God. leave it to that girl. if she adds me, i would take it that she is willing to share and clarify all my doubts. id be thankful for that. and if she doesnt, then i would just take it that grey would be my only solution then. :)
then after which, charis called my cellphone. and we spoke for close to 73 minutes before i realised she used her cellphone to call me. omg. i felt so guilty after knowing it. its like, im the cause of her exploding bills. yikes. am so sorry girl. :( but i must admit we had a really fun time over the phone. wanted to get kor to conference with us actually, but i think he fell asleep halfway. haha stupid. and whats even more interesting would be that on the 7th of september, we both fell out of love. haha its super funny can. really coincidental.
charis and i have so much in common. :) you could call her my soulmate.
i love my friendsss.
