Friday, October 13, 2006 ; 5:05 PM
finally, it is the
last official day of school. had a fair share of fun with my girl friends at school. but considering what happened last night, and how i felt throughout the entire day today,
im not sure if i can still call it a good day.
last night, i messaged him to ask if we were gonna be on the phone tonight. and after an hour or so, i still had no reply. heeding colin's queer suggestion of
trying to hate him to make myself forget him, the blood within me started to boil. thus i sent him another message, which was filled with vulgarity. i have absolutely no idea why i did that,
without thinking of the consequences. its only after which, that i realised it would have meant the
end of our friendship. on top of that, i somehow or another totally ignored him when he said hello today. even after yuwei straightfowardly went "denise you havent said hello to jeffrey" to think that i was the one who ticked him off on courtesy yesterday. how ironic, isnt it ? maybe its because im feeling really fed-up. (yes i seriously hate it when i bother to message you but you dont reply back) or to be a little more honest,
i wish he could tell me he still cared about our friendship.
i dont know if im really doing the right thing, about trying to hate him and all. munch says
it wouldnt work out, from her own experience. and she surprisingly asked me how is it between me and him today. it really hit me.
this isnt really what i want to do. but i doubt i have any other choices. im desperate to get over him.
even if its just a little. it would help me a great deal. given my current situation, i really doubt i would have the clarity of the mind to sit for my olevels.
even as im typing this entry, im also trying to hold back the tears. thats really how bad im hurting deep inside.
but im trying not to reveal it. i mean,
im definitely not the emo type of girl and if i suddenly get all emo, it would probably make my loved ones worry. yeah. i still cant understand why this guy is
the one who can make me cry. was colin right in saying that
i subconsciously gave myself wholeheartedly to him ? but how is it possible that
i didnt manage to safeguard my own heart ? it gets me puzzled. yeah.
but you know, right now i feel so
distant away from him. such that it feels as though he is
nothing but a stranger to me. that kind of gap.
one thing i must be
determined about is i must
not lower my dignity any further for him. i always think to myself. like, hey he is the one who did me wrong. (well,
he hurt me, so he did me wrong) so why should i be holding on to this friendship ? c'mon,
its not like i dont have friends. and for about an hour or so, my feelings would be more in control. at least i dont turn all emo in my bed room. :)
alright,
enough of him !
on the more joyful note, we took
many pictures today. be it in class or around the school. i took a picture with gina ! she was pointing to my skirt (which so isnt short at all today) and i was, being
all drama-mama, pretending to be in horror. and believe it or not, we even
stayed back to take pictures together. the six of us. yes yes. plus sheril ! (my-on-and-off-best-friend) :D first we went to the christmas trees which are put up near the flagpoles. as the tree had many huge ribbons hung on it, we pulled five out and placed it around our badges then took a picture. haha. how much more retarded can one get ? but i guess these are
the special things which i would remember most clearly about and treasure.
we also took pictures of us
lying on the concrete floor of the quadrangle. i swear
it is no joke man. suuper
hard, suuper
hot ! and
dirty ! haha. imagine the number of people stepping on it every day and there you are lying on that floor,
under the scorching sun. but since its our last time, i would say, why not ? :D had pictures with the other christmas tree at the bamboo courtyard as well. and of cos, took pictures
with the poles at the running tracks.
we practically did the things which
we would never be able to do again. i
will miss mg, thats for sure. and needless to say, 4b3 2006 ! :D you girls have been
AWESOME ! i swear.
there are no other classes better than this one. im thankful that im in this class. and
thank you all for all the memories you have left me with. although there are some disputes once in a blue moon. yeah. but overall, you girls have been great. and like most teachers have commented,
we are indeed the class which has most fun together, even though our academic grades are not exactly very good compared to the rest of the cohort. haha.
b3 will always be covalently bonded ! :)i love you girls !
