Thursday, September 07, 2006 ; 8:56 AM
my greatest fear has been confirmed. he initiated the break up. yeah he dumped me. lol never really knew how it felt like, getting ditched. so am glad i finally knew how it really is like today. like i always tell people. there are two sides of the coin. either i take it positively, or negatively. denise will choose to look at it positively. but first, i need to blog all the unhappy things out. yeah. its better not to keep it inside. least i commit suicide or something. haha. no, im kidding.
denise isnt that weak. she will stay strong, even when it all goes wrong.hmms i dont know where to start off, my mind is practically, i dont know. its so filled with many thoughts. still, i will blog it all out to release everything. just let it go, like
whoosh !
when he messaged me last night with a "you asleep yet ? got something i wish to talk to you about" i roughly knew what he wanted to say. in fact, i saw it coming a couple of days ago. though having prepared myself for the worst, i still cried before he even told me, when he told me and after he told me. LOL.
then he asked "you have any idea why i didnt talk to you this few days and stuff ?" lol it only made me even more confident that my predictions were right.
someone asked me beforehand "if thats the case, why dont you dump him even before he dumps you ? being ditched sucks" (am certain some of you would be wondering about that too) well, in a relationship which isnt perfect, someone would be hurt. i would rather allow myself to be hurt, than to have him hurt. (no one likes getting ditched) and in addition, i really couldnt bring myself to do sucha thing. its nearly impossible for me. i really didnt want the break up. and to be honest, half of me was hoping that we could trash it out and try to salvage the relationship.
but then again, if we arent fated together, there isnt much of a point holding on. it probably makes you feel even more bitter inside. so nevermind.
its pretty interesting aye ? you expected it, yet it still hits you so hard.
what hurt me even more was when he couldnt come clean with me. until now, i have no idea why he broke up with me.
problem with some guys is that they would pick the easy way out. with the excuse of "the fault lies with me. there are many better guys out there. im sorry" they just use it to get out of the relationship. and thats exactly what that happened between
us.
but frankly speaking, i must admit i am guilty of doing that myself. haha. now that i know how it feels, i swear i wont use that excuse ever again. instead, if i get involved with someone else and things dont work out, i would tell him why i really wanted to break off. that way, he wouldnt feel as though he was treated like a fool. that way, it might hit him harder, leading him to fall faster and picking himself up better as well.
and on top of that, he told me he was still loving me until this point in time. hahahaha. please dont make me laugh. if you really loved me, you wouldnt have broken up with me. instead you would probably try and work things out with me and make the relationship work out. i believe determination is the key to success. even if the relationship wasnt perfect to start off with, you can still make the best out of it. and i believe that it would work out, some day.
actually, i was more or less able to settle down with you. i really wanted to even get married with you. that is, if you even propose to me. haha. like the majority of the female race, i still feel that it should be the guy who proposes. a small group of girls probably think otherwise though.
dont tell me being with you would cause me to suffer. thats absurd. you know, all i really needed was your love. that was all. i could and would give up everything else just for you. including the mixing around with other guys part which wasnt too pleasing in your sight. and, i guess its normal for one to feel jealous when his/her loved one is constantly chatting or playing around with people of the opposite sex.
then again, the question of "do you really love me ?" pops out. if you loved me, you wouldnt have broken up with me. but if you didnt love me, you wouldnt have felt jealous.
i really dont know. am pretty puzzled myself. ive said it before. love does wonders. to us all.
its been nearly an hour since i blogged. woke up at around 7.45am today. started blogging at 8.15am. had a really sleepless night yesterday. believe it or not, i only managed to sleep around 4.15am. thats three and a half hours of rest. well done.
okay i shall end here. will put a stop to the wallowing in self-pity. :D haha. denise will survive no matter how hard things can get. this i promise myself.
oh yes, i forgot to add. we are still friends now. i think i can handle it. no fear. :D
