Friday, August 18, 2006 ; 7:13 PM
sigh. highly doubt our parents would ever understand us huh. its stressing me out, once again. this question constantly pops into my mind "
why cant we understand each other ?" and its sad to say that at times, even when both parties understand each other, you are still so reluctant to compromise. would you die after giving in just a teeny weeny bit ? im like more than willing to do so. yet, you just have to have things
your way. and
it pisses me off. in fact, its not only me. daniel as well. mom, dad, havent you realised that daniel has been ignoring you both ? he doesnt even bother answering the both of you when you ask him a question (i must admit this isnt the best solution to avoid getting into another heated conflict with your parents). and instead of wondering why he is doing so, you continue scolding him. nagging at him, telling him how horrible a son he makes and all his weaknesses would be pointed out again. it is true, the weaknesses youve pointed out does make sense. we cant study (the one you point out most often). or rather, we dont like studying. but
so what ? why cant you accept us for who we are ? why cant we live happily together like all the fairytales in books ? why are you
never satisfied ? why do you keep pressurizing us for more and more ? even when we did well for an examination, youd ask "why didnt you get higher ?"
it really pisses me off. i dont know how long more i can tolerate this shit. but the day i flare up and run away from home, please dont come looking for me. i cant take the pressure youre giving me. i dont like it.
i hate it. i really do. im sorry, i just
cant live up to your expectations. i cant. i really cant.
and just today, just after i told daddy that i didnt read the question probably so i ended up fumbling at the end of the chemistry practical and have lost a mark due to my carelessness (or rather, the fact that i overlooked a piece of information), he started scolding me. i was like.
WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM. its not like i didnt check my work. plus, i managed to amend two parts of the question, leaving only the last part unchanged (which carries 1 mark only). its not like i wanted this to have happened. its not like you never made mistakes like this before. surely you have. unless youre mr perfect (which is definitely not the case). you dont even remember our schedule properly, how is it then possible that youre perfect ? and speaking of his poor memory
for our stuff only, ahh. it gets on my nerves too. even my mom cant take it. but thats a different story altogether. in any case, i dont blame you for it, though it annoys me very much. after all, you have so much work in the office. youre overloaded with tons of information daily. it would be a miracle if you could still remember our schedule. look dad, you have to understand, dont expect me to be perfect. i just cant be. and another thing that is for sure, no one is perfect in this world. apart from our Heavenly Father, that is. im glad, im glad that even if im all alone on the human world, i can turn to God and share with him all my problems. i know He will be there for me. im assured. and im pretty sure daniel (my brother) & jeffrey (my boyfriend) would be there for me too !
mom, dad, you see, your opinion might not necessarily be mine, yet you just have to disagree with me and fight it out so that you will win. question then would be "is winning that important ?" and "why cant we ever reach a compromise instead ?" it always such that our parents outwit us in every senario. we end up surrendering and sometimes, get really hurt. i dont know how many of you face the same problem as i do. but one thing thats for sure,
im not standing alone. im confident and certain that at least one more soul out there shares the same view as i do. and ive decided to take comfort in that. then again, i look at a different angle. it isnt really your fault that you both are like that. youve been brought up so differently from our generation. we probably would never know the definition suffering from the low standard of living. we probably would never know what its like to strive our way out of poverty. we probably would never understand either. maybe thats why you place our academic grades as first priority and maybe thats why all these differences are surfacing. i feel that the governments stress on education isnt doing us singaporeans a good thing, with regards to the inner conflicts among each and every family.
study, study, study, thats all you know about.
your emphasis on my studies has caused yourself to be blind. youre clueless about what daniel and i are going through. youre blinded by my studies and nothing more.
Lord, save our family.
